I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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