well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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