you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
