do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
