If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
