My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize