you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize