I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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