I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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