mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
