Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
