dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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