I'm passing your future prison.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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