His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
