wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
