I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i think i just lost a toe
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
