So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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