Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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