Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
