I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
