even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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