I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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