don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
