He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
