I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
