you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
