all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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