whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
