he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
