I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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