She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
