he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
someone owes me an orgasm
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Come on in and take your pants off
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