I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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