I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
