Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
