dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
