I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am naked and annoyed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
