So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
