You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
