): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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