we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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