I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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