Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When did angry sex become our thing?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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