I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
