based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
