I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
