I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
