Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
