Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
