We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
