apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
