I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
