she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize