my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
