we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
