mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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