just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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