I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
