I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize