Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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