I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
