my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
