Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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