I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize