Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
